Anger in Disguise

I think I'm going to cry
And scream
And pound my fists against the wall
I'm not allowed to eat,
To live
Not allowed to feel at all
Every joy is ripped from me
Each day
Everything is taken
I can't keep a single thing
Not air
All has been forsaken.
It presses on my chest
Breathless
And the tears push from my eyes
The panic in my bones
The fear
The anger in disguise
They have taken it over
My life
My everything I want
And still here I am dreaming
Of her
Because she loves to haunt.

TNT

I'm a fire in the wind
I'm a book from end to end.
I'm a girl with sleepy eyes
I'm TNT in dark disguise.
I feel afraid, awake, amazed
I feel unwanted, unphased.
I feel pushed and poked,
I feel stuck and stoked.
He is leather, he is brick
He is punch and slap and kick.
He is calm, composed, and cool
He has set me just one rule.
He is lonely, sad, confused
He's been torn and hurt and used.
He is human, as am I
He is strange and I know why.

Blind

I'll make you go blind
And I'll make you run
I'll get us in trouble
Just to have some fun.
I'll scream and I'll cry
'Til I get my way
Though what I want
Is not here to stay.
I'll make you mess up,
I'll make you slip
I want you to fumble
And stumble and trip.
I'll make you confused,
Like a drug so sweet
I'll daze you and craze you
From the moment we meet.
I'll push you and tug you,
I'll drag, and claw, and scratch,
I'll tie you and buy you
I'll beg, and tease, and catch.
You can never win-
I just need you to play.
I need you to fail,
I need you to pay.
It was never you,
As it never was me.
It's not who you are-
It's what I want you to be.

Wake

I hate waking up.
I can feel the shaking,
The headaches,
The itchy eyes
And foggy mind.
Climbing out of bed,
Feet hurting,
Losing my balance.
I hate waking up:
The fake feeling,
The dreamlike buzz
Still lingering in my vision.
I hate wobbling,
Breaking through the grogginess,
Feeling dizzy
Just from being conscious.
I hate having no energy,
And not even being hungry.
Obligations to fulfill,
Time to kill.
It seems I have nothing to do,
But everything to accomplish.
No one to talk to,
But everyone to listen to.
Time on my hands,
But it slips through my fingers
Like a dream you can't remember.
I hate trying to find peace,
Laughter, normalcy.
I dread those surreal moments,
When I'm not sure that I'm true,
Uncertain that this is life.
I don't know where,
Or how, or who I am.
I despise the confusion of morning.
I hate waking up.
But I hate dreaming even more.