For What It's Worth

Maybe maybe maybe
Is this what it's
Supposed to be?
What if what if,
Am I everything
I'm meant to be?
Is this quicksand?
Am I mud?
Is this tangible?
Am I real?
Have I let this go
A bit too easily, perhaps?
I'm wondering now
Whether it happened at all.
I imagine that maybe
Again I only confused
Myself into this thinking...
But when I truly remember,
What I recall is sweet.
A look, a touch, a day.
A dream, a sigh-
Sometimes I'm hit
By what is gone.
So much past,
Yet even more future.
I can't hold on anymore,
To what should have been.
In one outlet only
Can I consider my What if's,
The ones that have me buried.
Ha! To think,
That someone might take
Them a little too seriously.
It's sadly absurd,
But so, admittedly, real.
Is it true, that I
Can be bought?
Not with money, but
With promises?
So many promises,
Kept or forgotten;
Yours, mine, his, hers.
Too many secrets,
That we've all let slip.
I am at fault,
But I don't carry all
Of the blame!
That's only important to me-
No one else cares,
And I've accepted this.
Curiosity still tugs,
But it doesn't even matter.
I don't care to know,
To speak or to ask.
It's not worth it anymore.
Few things are.
The answer isn't worth
The question. The benefit won't
Outweigh the consequence.
It wasn't worth the compromise,
And so I lost it entirely.
That was by my own choice.
Now neither of them
Can see my worth,
And I've come to terms.
Matter, redefined,
Means that I look inside
Myself, and see truth,
And decide what's right.