30 December, 2013


To reflect, let's go back too far.
At the end, I felt a failure.
I failed at being a partner,
At being a mother,
A sister, an aunt.
I failed at most everything
I had tried to do.
I lost a job I loved,
Because someone gave the word.
I lost people I cared for
Because I didn't watch my words.
I lost the time I'd spent,
The work I had done,
The progress I had made.
Rarely had I felt so very low.

In a year, I worked hard.
I made visits and apologies.
I made friends and French fries.
I took a new job, and
I mastered it.
I accepted new challenges,
And some I conquered.
I made it my goal to
Fight the tears,
To move forward.
I took a step back-
But I learned from my mistakes
For once
And I began to run.
I talked to myself
Far too much.
I opened myself up
To new things that,
Maybe, I shouldn't have.
But I don't regret because
From all these things,
Above every other feeling,
I have learned
And I am glad.
So thank you,
All of you,
Who have given me chances-
All of you who told me
That I could, for you gave me strength-
Who told me I could not,
For you gave me defiance.
And for another year,
I will fight with every breath,
Through the high days
As well as the low,
Through the drawbacks,
The step-ups,
The endless words
And petty grudges.
For another year of birthdays,
Of seasons and half-price shakes,
Of weddings, celebrations,
And Sweeny Pride Day-
For another year,
I'll keep growing.

27 December, 2013

Anger in Disguise

I think I'm going to cry
And scream
And pound my fists against the wall
I'm not allowed to eat,
To live
Not allowed to feel at all
Every joy is ripped from me
Each day
Everything is taken
I can't keep a single thing
Not air
All has been forsaken.
It presses on my chest
And the tears push from my eyes
The panic in my bones
The fear
The anger in disguise
They have taken it over
My life
My everything I want
And still here I am dreaming
Of her
Because she loves to haunt.

16 December, 2013


I'm a fire in the wind
I'm a book from end to end.
I'm a girl with sleepy eyes
I'm TNT in dark disguise.
I feel afraid, awake, amazed
I feel unwanted, unphased.
I feel pushed and poked,
I feel stuck and stoked.
He is leather, he is brick
He is punch and slap and kick.
He is calm, composed, and cool
He has set me just one rule.
He is lonely, sad, confused
He's been torn and hurt and used.
He is human, as am I
He is strange and I know why.

05 December, 2013


I'll make you go blind
And I'll make you run
I'll get us in trouble
Just to have some fun.
I'll scream and I'll cry
'Til I get my way
Though what I want
Is not here to stay.
I'll make you mess up,
I'll make you slip
I want you to fumble
And stumble and trip.
I'll make you confused,
Like a drug so sweet
I'll daze you and craze you
From the moment we meet.
I'll push you and tug you,
I'll drag, and claw, and scratch,
I'll tie you and buy you
I'll beg, and tease, and catch.
You can never win-
I just need you to play.
I need you to fail,
I need you to pay.
It was never you,
As it never was me.
It's not who you are-
It's what I want you to be.