Slap

Ahh, and here it comes again.
Half a test, if that.
Perhaps naturally might
It happen tonight,
Sooner and lesser
Than I had planned.
Worse in the long term?
Will it still be
Quick and close?
Few words deny hate,
Reflecting my own.
My rib cage tenses,
Filled with anxiety-
And again I realize
How few words it
Takes to make me jump.
So little has changed.
All is, as has passed.
Will they even look,
Once comes the time?
How well will I hide?
I'm wearily wary,
Eager but dreading,
And all is conflicted.
Where is my music?
That gin and kerosene?
Wow, is it messed up,
A slap across the face
But I know I can't awake,
Chewing on my tongue
And now my bed stares.
Everything is hers,
She owns it all.
She is queen of the world,
While I am only
A torn little girl.