Pensieve

Sweating though my feet are cold,
Fighting phone calls and cold coffee.
Crackly music pounds the walls,
And somehow a green dot has me on edge,
I think because of that song.
It's painfully quiet today,
The world tipped and crooked.
Headache or caffeine crush?
I need a clearer, an eraser,
And usually this will have to do.
To fling it from my mind,
Withdraw it to be placed in this Pensieve.

He's hiding and quiet-
Calm or something different?
Avoidance, or not even paying attention?
I feel somehow drenched,
Like I've spent too long in the shower
Trying to wash myself away.
As many times as I try and deny,
I come around again to the same.
Maybe she is right (she usually is).
But can I take that chance?
Can I forgive and forget?
Is that even what I want?
(Of course it is)
But it's not!
It runs through my head so many times,
The same few things, asleep or awake.
Greetings and the fight,
The offer or the fortunate mishap.
And him.. I don't know.
Something keeps slipping from my mind,
And I think this it is that scares me most.
Why can't I remember, or pretend,
In my dreams or my days?
Because if I don't...
I'm terrified of what that might mean.
For all of us.
I hope, I wish, it is merely oversight-
An unknown, perhaps, a Nessie of sorts.
I may never really know,
For if I do,
That would mean the worst.