07 October, 2012

Sick

For every conversation
My heart makes itself known.
It pulses so quickly,
Hitches my breath.
In my belly swarms
A hundred butterflies,
Each a different reason
To keep my mouth shut.
This lump in my nerves,
The knot in my throat-
This teenage situation.
Why can't I just be free?
How can I handle this?
I can't afford to fumble.
I couldn't bear it.
And every little thing
Gets it all started again.
Step forward, slide back.
Pink and red,
Pink and red.
Everything clenches,
Tightens in suspense,
And my thoughts go racing
From reality to wishes
And, sometimes, to despair.
My stomach fills with
Battery acid and threatens
Me through every moment.
And when my eyes are closed...
You know what i want.
-Not what some would think.
Just the simple actions,
The gentle touch,
The softest kiss.
Those whispered words
And hands that wipe tears.
Being held for comfort.
Wake up! Get real!
Don't ever delude yourself!
And resist the pretending.
Deep breaths,
Slow the cardio.
Blink.
Wanting to run for it.
Needing to scream.
This craziness,
This torment,
It stalks me every minute!
Every time I stand
The room spins-
Half the time my
Fingers shake.
I can't breathe!
And then, I see-
And briefly I am normal.
First thing, last sight-
Every thought!
And it rolls and rolls.