17 September, 2012

Arrows

I feel them closing in on me-
And why wouldn't they be?
I can't even pull myself together.
I can barely manage more
Than minimum most days.
Sometimes it's easier
With people around-
It makes me try harder,
But that's not always
A good thing for me.
Sometimes trying just
Makes everything feel worse.
It's like I'm stuck in Limbo:
I hate that I can't move forward!
I haven't moved past it-
For every wobbly step forward,
I realize I'm still facing
The wrong way.
Push and pull,
Tap and tug.
Directions are so confusing!
Every decision feels wrong.
Every day feels worse.
And then the barrage last night!
That wasn't even dream state...
That was a maybe thing;
And that one, I don't like.
Can I be them?
All of them?
Will they rip me apart-
Rip us apart?
Or are they already?
And who will save me?
Who can sew me back together?
My arms are being yanked
Each in either direction,
Pulled from their sockets,
My head turned this way and that,
Spinning in circles
Until I'm so dizzy.
I can see nothing
Through the coarse cloth
That covers my eyes,
And my knobbly stick
Can't find its floating
Target in this silly
Childhood game.
It all comes back to games,
But is that only in my head?
"Red rover, red rover,
Let Kendahl come over..."
And she does.