Fragile

In my fragile state of mind
every now and then, I'm fine.
But my dreams will haunt me always
during nights and during days;
my happiness is shattered
once I close my eyes to sleep,
for the scenes in my head
make this sanity tough to keep.
This girl reminds me of another
who by dreams is brought to me
with golden hair and smile-
do I want her to be?
And they remind me of before
when I had illusion of
everything and more.
But now to see it makes me cry,
to recall the wish to die.
I know I can't relent,
for the one that I hold dear
my life, my all, my gravity
the one thing I have here.
What do I want? What can I have?
Should I cringe or merely laugh?
Can't I shake this feeling-
this oppression that has me reeling?
Does my soul retain its feeling,
or is only loneliness revealing?