27 September, 2012

Flare

I'm on an "I hate"
Rampage, and maybe
I shouldn't be eating
Just now, but I
Feel like I must while
I can. Trying to do
Too many things at
A time, trying to solve
This excruciating puzzle.
No idea what I should
Say. Paranoid over
Something that shouldn't
Even cross my mind.
And that one simple
Statement, that I don't
Understand. Who did
It come from?
More importantly,
I know who it didn't
Come from.
Who it should have come
From. But I can't
Tell anyone that.
There are too many things
That I can't tell anyone!
And now my stomach
Is tossing and roiling-
Not just from lunch-
And I don't know what
I am supposed to do!
I have that dreaded
Feeling, of wishing
I could throw up, in
A way that is entirely
In my head.
Why are so many things
Trapped inside my mind!?
I've done it again.
The cliche mistake.
Don't you think I
Would learn! Can't
I move past myself?
Can't I grow?!
Or am I stuck forever
Beneath this tree,
The same one from before,
The one that holds me back
While taunting me with
Fractured promises
And cracked dreams.
I hate!
Myself, my mistakes,
My choices- above all, my
Insecurities.
But I take small comfort
In knowing that this
Is a moodswing hate,
That these are not true
Feelings but a temporary
Flare. And for now
The storm has quelled,
And I will try to calm
It further. So wish me
Luck, sweet Catharsis,
And hope that more time
Might pass before
I call on you again.