Welcome Back

I'm not myself-
but if not, then who?
What I once was is gone-
I'm scared, although it's true.
Once with confidence,
now in fear.
Four years have broken me,
two far from here.
This is still home
just as always it's been.
It doesn't feel like coming back
or like remembering when.
But now I am not her:
that smiling girl from before
yet something calls me still
old memories to re-explore.
The fight's still in me,
fight or die.
Emotions come swirling again
confusing, consuming, and I
can't give in,
can't let go,
did I miss it?
I just don't know!
Is it wrong?
Is it fate?
This old habit
I can't break.
It was gone for those years,
but now it's thrown back in my face.
It helps like it did then-
is it something to embrace?
Lead on paper,
hear it scratch.
That, I missed-
Welcome back.